an ongoing, troubling, journey

Over recent months I have reflected on the musings penned and shared here, the significant periods without words, and how life has intersected. These periods have reasons, and before I
ponder these it is the content and approach-style of what I have shared—and how these have transformed over time—over the last ten years which have prompted some thoughts.

Contrasting with a prescribed aim of my space here — reflecting on intersecting oppressions, life experiences and thoughts on appropriate-effective responses — I have noted in the collection of musings an array of contradictory elements. In particular the language embodies — rooted in hegemonic masculinity that is often unmarked — key societal aspects I seek to challenge. The language and tone in anyways illustrate my own unquestioned (at the time) manifestations  of patriarchal confidence and arrogance. The language and tone is at times (overly?) aggressive and adversarial, even when I have sought to expose and challenge this in others.

I do hope, and can see indicators of this, that as I have continued to reflect on life, love and all things in between in a world mediated by capital that the content and approach-style of my musings have become more aligned with the vision of an egalitarian society across species, gender and ability — as my experiences and active attempts to grow as a person continue.

My outlook is of course shaped by my experiences, and these are responsible for what I pen and share, and at the same time the periods without words. I have had a long history of precarious employment. At times, some very enjoyable periods. I have had rolling contracts for three years now, without any periods of unemployment between (and recently transitioned to an ‘ongoing’ role). I find myself in the position of having secure employment for the first time in my life, albeit in a role that is not something I am overly passionate about — like a vast number of others.

I find moments and spaces where I am able to promote and achieve socially-positive outcomes, amongst a milieu of bureaucracy and redicularity common to many roles. The milieu — alongside time put to community work and other activities undertaken in seeking to find employment more aligned with my values — is largely responsible for these periods.

With developing experience, I am creating-finding more spaces for life in work. In part, the wellbeing which emerges are planting seeds as well as a hope for emergent personal and (however small) social benefits of sharing my musings…

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